Elektra vs Point Of No Return

Ryan: So.

Cliff: So.

Ryan: So…Elektra.

Cliff: No. Get the fuck out.

Ryan: What? What'd I say?

Cliff: This will not end well. I'm not doing this.

Ryan: Why?

Cliff: Because it's gonna be all pretentious about “Elektra is shallow and bad and dumb and cheesy. You should counter it with something sweet and quiet and good like Vera Drake,” which you'll feel all smart about suggesting, but no one will actually do. No one is watching Elektra and then Vera Drake.

Ryan: Jeez, gimme a little credit.

Cliff: Or Amelie.

Ryan: Hey.

Cliff: I knew it. Listen, Amelie is good, but everyone who was going to watch it has watched it already, and none of them are seeing Elektra.

Ryan: Well yeah, but—

Cliff: --NOT EVEN IF YOU RECOMMEND IT.

Ryan: Ouch.

Cliff: Sorry. It's just that I know the whole reason for doing this is that we didn't like Elektra and we're going to make fun of it and then slam the point home by suggesting something brilliant, which would satisfy the desire to make at least half of the double-feature watchable, but would also make Elektra seem even worse by comparison. It's just mean.

Ryan: Oh. Well okay.

Cliff: And I just don't see any reason to just trash the movie. Why kick it when it's down.

Ryan: Oh, I see: You liked it.

Cliff: Well I wouldn't say that.

Ryan: You did. You loved Elektra.

Cliff: I think it's okay. It's fun.

Ryan: Yeah, I think it's all right.

Cliff: You do?

Ryan: Yeah, I think it's fine.

Cliff: Cool.

Ryan: It makes not one bit of sense.

Cliff: I'm not sure I could recite the plot with a gun to my head. You know, past “Elektra kills people for money, but sometimes she doesn't kill them, and I'm not sure she gets money, but she does get a nice fruit basket.”

Ryan: And an amazing house. I'm not sure how undercover she was.

Cliff: I know. She's this covert ninja assassin and she's hiding out in this huge lodge with glass walls.

Ryan: So, she's hired to kill this guy and his daughter, I don't remember why.

Cliff: Yeah. No clue.

Ryan: And the Hand is involved.

Cliff: And at no point did anyone say “Talk to the Hand”, and I just knew they were gonna.

Ryan: It's pretty bad.

Cliff: But not offensively bad. I had zero expectations, so it's pretty hard to insult me.

Ryan: Yeah. I just pretended it was a slow Alias.

Cliff: Yeah, she was angry in the same way, although more so, and she gets to punch and kick and clench her jaw.

Ryan: It's still way too slow-motiony for me, and too wirey and floaty.

Cliff: Yeah, the fights aren't nearly as clean as they could be. I like the bad guys though.

Ryan: Yeah, Tattoo and Typhoid. I don't understand their deaths though. They're defeated and burst into dust. But who decides when they've been beaten to that point? Do they have to be knocked down? Punctured?

Cliff: Yeah, there's no rule for it. Whatever.

Ryan: It is kind of fun though.

Cliff: Yeah. I'll watch it on cable for years.

Ryan: Elektra only exists to be that series of action scenes, so really you can join it at any point and watch the fight in the woods, or the maze or whatever.

Cliff: Yeah, and you can skip any of the stupid.

Ryan: You know what Elektra is? Point of No Return.

Cliff: It is. It's that exactly. She's a depressed assassin.

Ryan: Yeah, and she's been reborn, basically. And she's got a European mentor and a bland boyfriend.

Cliff: I never thought about it.

Ryan: I've seen it a million times.

Cliff: Same here.

Ryan: But hardly ever from start to finish.

Cliff: Nope.

Ryan: It's a movie that exists only for its parts. As a whole, it's so dumb.

Cliff: The opening is all heavy metal and loud and fake.

Ryan: Yeah. See, the thing is, Bridget Fonda is pretty great as the sophisticated killer with the wardrobe and the haircut and the rocket-launchers. But in the beginning when she's all grunge and killing for drugs, it feels like dress-up.

Cliff: Exactly. Point of No Return doesn't start until after her make-over. Before that, she's like Nell or something. It's weird. She's a drug-addict, but she's an adult too, and yet she doesn't know how to use a spoon or carry on a conversation. But then she gets a haircut and some salad-fork training or whatever and she's ready to go. And then she goes to dinner for her birthday and all hell breaks loose in the restaurant. How long is that scene?

Ryan: Ten minutes?

Cliff: And it's the whole movie.

Ryan: It's the only reason to watch, really. She kicks ass in that scene. Point of No Return gets no respect at all.

Cliff: I know, but no one hates it, truly. What else are you gonna do? Not watch Point of No Return? Come on.

Ryan: And it's got a pretty cool cast. Gabriel Byrne, Harvey Keitel. Nina Simone on the soundtrack.

Cliff: Yeah. And it's just right for Elektra. They both aim for the same place, and they both hit at roughly the same place, and one isn't gonna make you feel guilty about the other.

Ryan: And taken at its strengths, the entire double-feature should only set you back about an hour.

Cliff: I honestly don't have anything better to do during any given hour.

Elektra: C+
Point of No Return: C+