The Island vs The Truman Show

The Island is one of those movies that seems patched together from other movies. A lot of other movies. All of the other movies. Without even watching closely, you'll see: The Matrix, Logan's Run, The Truman Show; Face/Off; Dark City; Gattacca; Demolition Man; Blade Runner; 2001; Alien Resurrection; Planet of the Apes; A. I.; Minority Report; The Village and TV's Futurama and 3^rd Rock from the Sun..

Without looking at The Island at all, of course, you know it will be similar to Bad Boys, Armageddon, The Rock and Pearl Harbor, because all of Michael Bay's movies are the same, in a way. The most common line of dialogue in The Island? “RUN!” The most common sound effect? CRASH. Watching The Island, I wondered: when Michael Bay drives past a car wreck, does he have to pull over immediately to masturbate, or can he wait until he gets home?

The Island is set in the future, but it's so conveniently also the past and present I don't know why they bothered telling us the year. Everyone lives indoors in a sterile Earth-station Biosphere thing, where they eat powdered food and wear identical Puma sneakers. Why Puma? Yeah, good question. I assume it's the same reason the water they drink is Aquafina. There are products everywhere, including one that is distracting to the point of parody: Did Michael Bay include Scarlett Johannsen's Calvin Klein ad out of laziness or cheesiness? Seriously, not all of us think it's awesome that the star of Ghost World and Lost in Translation is in a commercial anyway, let alone that she's in a Michael Bay movie. Can we at least get one without the other?

Anyway, everyone in the Puma-dome thinks they've survived a nuclear holocaust and that everything outside the facility is contaminated or dead. Everyone's incredibly simple-minded: they read Dick and Jane books and speak like children. It probably serves them well to be simple; the building they live in seems to consist of only about three rooms and one endless hallway. Once someone escapes, it's so easy that I thought the makers of The Island must be trying to tell me something. It all seems set up to either be some kind of commentary on the dangers of power, or maybe a Shyamalan-style twist. It's neither. Well, it's both, but it's bad at both. If you've seen the trailer, you know The Island's secret going in: the inhabitants of Aquafina Village are actually clones, grown for the rich and famous should they ever need skin grafts or corneas or whatever. Each of the clones is around three years old, and at one point we're told they're educated to the age of fifteen. Since newspapers are written at a fifth-grade level, and Michael Bay has aimed this movie just below that, I'm thinking fifteen sounds pretty smart. But no, the clones just walk around in their future world of doing nothing besides eating bad breakfast and being stupid.

Until one of them escapes!

Wait, no! Two of them! Two of them escape! I'll wait while you figure out which two.

Out in the real world—which has been just fine, thank you—McGregor and Johannsen (their characters have these dumb AOL-type names with numbers attached) start out as Strangers in a Strange Land, but soon enough they're finessing their way around car chases and credit cards and PG-13 intercourse. Of course Steve Buscemi lives in the basement, so you know he'll be all scruffy and have information for our good guys, and Sean Bean plays the boss, so he'll be evil. Scarlett Johansenn and Ewan McGregor are both good enough, and Djimon Hounsou turns up as a bounty hunter and gives the movie a slight twinge of depth.

Whatever. It's summer. Honestly, I got little else to do on a Sunday afternoon, and I'd probably see The Island again, providing I can talk to the screen, and maybe do a shot anytime it seems a random fifteen minutes has been cut from the movie.

Is The Truman Show what they were after? Something smart and funny with actual social commentary? With an exciting, emotional climax, and good acting? Is that what The Island wanted to do? Surely not. How much room in The Truman Show is there for hijacking Mack trucks and dumping shit onto the freeway? Well, not much. It's too full of what just might be brilliance for any meaningless stuff like floating motorcycles (although they kind of rock) and non-ironic product placement.

The Truman Show is being released in a deluxe version in a couple months. I'm a little giddy about it. It's worth getting the original no-extras version though, because the movie is the true draw. The Truman Show is from 1997. That's important to keep in mind while watching, because it seems like something that should be coming out, say, next year, or maybe the year after.

Truman Burbank has lived his entire life on television, without ever suspecting a thing. As far as he knows, Truman is just a regular suburban guy, going to work every morning in Seahaven, working in his yard, living with his perky wife (Laura Linney). A light falls out of the sky, but it's excused away before Truman can ask too many questions. And then there's the case of the elevator that opens to a craft services table, surrounded by actors. And just where does the road go? And why was Truman discouraged from exploring as a kid? And what happened to his dad? And where is Lauren, his girlfriend from high school? Something's very strange in Seahaven, and Truman Burbank is starting to think it all revolves around him.

The Truman Show is so damn good. Peter Weir directed, and he's found just the right tone in the look, pacing and performances. Jim Carrey is great as Truman, pitching him halfway between sitcom and fable. Laura Linney is equally good as Truman's TV wife, talking in an infomercial voice and panicking when Truman starts to get a little too curious. And as Cristof, the creator and director of The Truman Show, Ed Harris proves that if he was running The Island, those clones would still be happily wearing their Pumas and eating whatever they were told.

At one point near the end of The Truman Show, Truman asks, “Was anything real?” It's a heartbreaking question, with an equally heartbreaking answer. It's a shame no one in The Island thinks to ask for anything besides extra bacon at breakfast.

The Island: C-
The Truman Show: A