Sky High vs Williams Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet

I know it's summer, and we're supposed to be having fun at the movies, but I'm exhausted. Seriously. Enough. I guess I've just had too much fun. At about the half-way point, Sky High begins to feel less like an actual movie and more like a two-hour replay of its own trailer, and I realized: I need a break.

Maybe, for a couple months, I just won't see movies where a school bus might fly, or a kid can transform into a gerbil. Maybe I'll stay away from movies that end with the big dance, or contain secret lairs, or you know, Kelly Preston.

It's not that Sky High is bad, it's just that it's too easy. It's your standard teen comedy, actually aimed at preteens, complete with scenes, dialogue and soundtrack songs straight from Sixteen Candles. It's also a superhero parody, with all the clichés you'd expect being poked at. And, it's an adventure movie, with all the previous clichés resurrected for serious effect. It's set in a school for emerging super-heroes and sidekicks, and everyone gets one power, like in the X-Men movies. There's funny stuff, mostly from Kevin McDonald and Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall. The kids' powers look okay, I suppose, but there's no tension or drama or situations that work that didn't already work way better in The Incredibles. And X-Men. And Sixteen Candles. The lead, Michael Angarano, is a funny kid, and we'll probably see him in more movies. Here's hoping they try harder.

Yeah, that's it. I'm telling you, I'm beat. Sky High did me in.

Sky High put me completely off super-hero movies for the time being, so for a double feature, I decided to go with the teen angle. William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is a movie that will never be accused of not trying hard enough. If anything, it attempts way too much. And while Sky High goes for primary colors and sitcom edits, Romeo and Juliet is all over the place, all gritty and fake-edgy and edited by, like, Oliver Stone using one of those salad spinner things.

Sky High and Romeo and Juliet start off in basically the same place. Will Stronghold's family is one of superheroes, and he goes to school with the son of one of his dad's villains, and there's a love triangle between him and this junior Julia Roberts kid and the junior villain with fiery hands. There's your two houses, right there. Three, even. But while Sky High cribs mainly Power Rangers and Spy Kids, Romeo and Juliet (it's actually Romeo + Juliet, with a tiny crucifix instead of an ampersand. Let me know if there's a function key that'll do that for me.) cribs the best music videos of the ‘80s and ‘90s, keeps the original Shakespeare dialogue intact, and casts leads that are downright iconic. Romeo and Juliet is an awful mess, but man, well-played.

William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet was directed by Baz Luhrman, so it's a guarantee that a few times during the movie you'll be distracted by the style of the piece and realize you haven't been listening to dialogue. As he did later with Moulin Rouge, Luhrman knows you know the plot already, so he figures, hey why not throw in a billion cuts, and some Hawaiian shirts and fireworks and drag queens and giant guns and oh, what the hell, here, have some Jamie Kennedy.

See, sometimes in the movies, style is what you're shooting for, and if there's an emotional pay-off, then great, but if not, you can say it was never about that in the first place. This is maybe what Sky High should have done. The sets in that movie are so fake, and the performances so softball and the plot is just introductory stuff like in a TV pilot. I never felt like I was watching an actual movie. My participation level was so low I'm not even positive I ever sat down. Romeo and Juliet takes great lengths to show us how much of a movie it is, to show us that the style is the movie. The kids in Sky High play superheroes, for crying out loud, and they don't even get cool costumes. You'd think that would be a given. When Romeo and Juliet enter their mid-90s costume party dressed as an angel and a knight, they become symbols. They've got old souls. They're romantics. They're representing stuff, see. It might be heavy-handed, but at least it's happening.

The same thing works with the casting. Were there better choices for Romeo and Juliet than Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes? Maybe. But quick, name two other teenagers from 1996. What you got for me? Skeet Ulrich? If nothing else, Luhrman knew Romeo and Juliet have to be memorable. If these two teens caused all this drama, then the retelling should evoke memories of kids we can actually remember. If the constant, blurry edits and Looney Toons sound effects and near-embarrassing timing of the final scenes aren't enough to do you in, then you'll be left with those two kids, staring at each other across an aquarium, completely unaware how lucky they are to find something quiet and pretty to look at for a couple seconds.

Sky High: C
William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet: B