Mission: Impossible 3 vs Bowfinger

I have a friend who refuses to see Mission: Impossible III, because Tom Cruise has turned into such an obnoxious celebrity. That’s too bad. Cruise is really good in M:I-III; every year we have fewer and fewer believable actors in action movies. Tom Cruise is pretty much the last guy, in my opinion. He’s definitely up for the action part. Watching Cruise sprint, base-jump and toss magnetic grenades around, there’s no doubt in my mind he could also break Lance Armstrong’s Tour de France record, if he put his mind to it. And he really is a good actor, despite what you may have forgotten over the past year. There are scenes in M:I-III with genuine emotion and intelligence, not to mention the intensity that can only come from someone packing around a lot of weirdness in real life, and we know Cruise has that. Hey, it’s not Tom Cruise’s fault if you know too much about his private life. It’s not like somebody forced you to watch Oprah, and the Today Show, and to read Us Weekly, and People magazine, and you know, live on Earth.

Mission: Impossible III (the colon is awkward, whether or not you abbreviate) picks up in another time and place than the other films in the series. The crew has been together before, but aren’t currently, but it’s not clear how long it’s been since the last movie. Ethan Hunt (Cruise) is engaged to be married to a young brunette surgeon (Michelle Monaghan). The plot needs her to be a surgeon, but those cynics among you will undoubtedly note that the young and brunette part was likely Cruise’s idea. And just when he thought he was out, they pull him back in. He’s got a couple new bosses in Billy Crudup and Laurence Fishburne, a familiar colleague in Ving Rhames, and welcome additions to the team in Maggie Q and Simon Pegg. At first, they’re all brought back together to save a young recruit played by Keri Russell. They save her, of course, in a scene of uncommon excitement and fun. Who knew that if you threw Keri Russell a gun she could catch it?

Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays the villain, and let me tell you, the producers of the new Bond film are gonna be pissed they didn’t get him first. Hoffman is so good; instead of being the typical action movie villain, chewing scenery and cracking jokes, Hoffman just plays it straight. His Owen Davian is a terrible person, and he performs a few of his most evil acts just to prove a point, but Hoffman never comes across as showboating or hamming it up. After Mission: Impossible III, you’ll be mentally listing all the great movie villains Hoffman could tackle, which probably means he’ll never play one again. Our loss.

J.J. Abrams is the third director to helm a movie in this series, and if they try again, they should stick with him. Anything that ever excited you about Lost or Alias is here, only on a huge budget. The espionage, the intrigue, the shit that blows up huge; it’s all accounted for. Not only that, but Abrams is the first director in this series to absolutely nail the master-of-disguise element of Hunt’s job (the coolest special effect so far this year is Tom Cruise transforming into Phillip Seymour Hoffman). The stunts are spectacular, the script is witty, the locations beautiful, and Tom Cruise has no reason—on screen anyway—to be out of your good graces. True, the surprise reveal of the secret bad guy is obvious from the start, but come on, cheesy things happen on Alias and Lost too (not to mention those other M:I movies). So, drop that Tom Cruise-shaped chip on your shoulder, and get to the movies. You won’t be sorry. If you sit through the whole thing, I promise a surprise waiting for you at home: Bowfinger.

See, with Bowfinger, you can get out all those Tom Cruise frustrations you’re carrying around. Bowfinger—despite being about seven years old, is the ultimate satire of the past year of Tom Cruise’s life. While other comedies show their age after a year or two, Bowfinger is just gonna keep getting funnier.

Steve Martin plays Bobby Bowfinger, a sleazy, inept wannabe film director. He’s got this script called Chubby Rain, and he needs a movie star to get a greenlight. He picks Kit Ramsey (Eddie Murphy, never ever better. Ever.), and decides that he’ll just film Kit secretly, and then use the footage in his movie. With a little of the magic of editing, no one will ever know that Kit didn’t agree to be in the movie. Bobby has leading ladies (Christine Baranski and Heather Graham), a production assistant who’s willing to steal cameras (Jamie Kennedy), a truckload of illegal immigrants working as his crew, and in Kit’s loser brother Jiff, a look-a-like stand-in for his star (Eddie Murphy, again, even better than he is as Kit. Seriously, next time your friends wanna talk about actors overlooked at the Oscars, mention Eddie Murphy and Bowfinger and watch no one disagree).

Bowfinger is funny, and actually kind of sweet, considering it’s absolutely vicious in its Hollywood satire. Kit Ramsey desperately wants to be taken seriously as an actor, and has a staff of advisors and yes men, the most significant of which is Terry Stricter (Terrance Stamp) the leader of Mindhead, an organization built on affirmations, new age bullshit, pyramid hats, naïve celebrities and of course, their money. Kit Ramsey is one of his most faithful clients, mainly because of his fear that he’s being followed by aliens, and because he has a particular sexual obsession he wants to either curb or hide. Did I mention that Chubby Rain, the movie Bowfinger is making, is about aliens coming to earth in drops of rain? Anybody see War of the Worlds?

Bowfinger goes after independent film, big-budge action movies and their stars, the casting couch, actresses with more ambition than talent, Hollywood pitch meetings, and of course, a certain movie star and his controversial religion, both of which shall remain nameless (although it’s almost eerie that Bowfinger pretty much nails Katie Holmes too—she even shares a home state with the Graham character—and she wasn’t part of the greater Tom Cruise mythology until years after Bowfinger was made). There’s also a few digs at Eddie Murphy there, if you look closely enough, although he’s so impressive in Bowfinger, you’ll likely cut him some slack. But Tom Cruise? Go for it. Talk all the smack you want, provided you’ve already sat through M:I-III and are willing to admit in public just how much fun you had.

Mission: Impossible III: A-
Bowfinger: A