Superman Returns vs Star Wars Episode I: The Phanton Menace

Like King Kong, and Raiders of the Lost Ark, Superman Returns exists as such big entertainment that reviewing it will likely turn no result whatsoever. Trust me; I saw it with friends and after a thirty minute analysis that would impress even your tougher geek message boards, I found that you just can’t talk Superman Returns out of being good. When a Batman movie is good, or a Spider-man movie, you can talk details and motivations and metaphor all you like. When a Superman movie is good, you just experience good, without question. Of course, when one is bad, it’s torture. And we’ve had some bad Superman movies; one of them has Jon Cryer. As a villain. Superman Returns is one of the good ones—one of the best ones—and it’s such a relief. It’s like apple pie sucked for twenty-five years, and then all the sudden, there it is: Bryan Singer figured out how to make apple pie again. Good on him.

The making of Superman Returns is already legendary, so even those not interested in reviews or spoilers probably know that it’s intended to fall in the middle of the most recent series of movies. So, Superman (Christopher Reeve) slept with Lois Lane (Margot Kidder), gave up his powers, got his powers back, fought the villains from Krypton, saved the world again, and then kissed Lois one last time to make her forget everything. And then, off-screen, astronomers thought they found remnants of Superman’s dead homeworld, Krypton, so he loaded himself into a pod and went to check things out. That was five years ago.

And now he’s back. Clark Kent returns first, hiding out and recuperating in his mother’s home in Smallville. We only get fleeting images from his origin; we’re expected to know that already. And seriously, if you meet someone who doesn’t know Superman’s origin, make tracks. We don’t need you hanging out with that element. There’s one flashback where we chart the moment between leaping tall buildings in a single bound and actual flying, and it’s a glorious movie moment. Young Clark Kent is full of so much wonder and fear and joy at being Clark Kent that I started to feel that too and just didn’t stop. There’s a moment near the end of Superman Returns when Superman, weakened by Kryptonite-inflicted injuries, flies up and up and up until he’s soaking up rays directed from the sun, getting more and more powerful and serene. I had already smiled for roughly two hours, but this cinched it for me: Superman can be as dark and troubled as any hero you’ve got, but none come as close as being happy with their duties as a hero. Superman will wave to a camera after pulling a kid from a fire. He’ll greet a stadium full of baseball fans after landing a crashing jet (in the movie’s best, most iconic I’m-watching-a-Superman-movie moment). He’ll even grant a face-to-face interview with the city’s craftiest reporter. And that’s because, as we see in those sunbeams, Superman is never more true to himself than when he’s fully a hero. Superman is the only hero with true joy in what he does, and Superman Returns is a joy to watch because of it. He not a moron, mind you; he just realizes there’s no need for him to be the Hunchback all the time. I mean, you got the cape, might as well fly around some, right?

Bryan Singer asserts himself, with Superman Returns, as a threat to Speilberg and Peter Jackson. He’d already shown that he could handle comic book characters, but for the first time, I think we’re seeing a Bryan Singer Movie. Superman Returns is as widescreen grand as any movie I’ve seen (apparently it’s killer in 3-D), and like the Tim Burton Batman movies, strives for a time that feels classic, futuristic and nostalgic all at once. The special effects are monumental (Superman’s flying scenes are a wonder. He flies vertically, horizontally, on his back, through water, carrying heavy stuff, carrying people, and never once suffers from Keanu Face or Video Game Bounce), the sets are beautiful, and the costumes straight out of whichever stylish 1940s movie is your favorite.

Brandon Routh plays Clark Kent/Superman, and in the trailer you undoubtedly noticed his resemblance to Christopher Reeve. It’s true, they look alike. But, they both look like Superman too, which is the point, so I wouldn’t call it an impersonation. Routh is surprisingly funny and comfortable as Clark Kent, and gives Superman a calm and sincerity that borders on but never pushes the Superman-as-Jesus metaphor, which can’t have been easy. Kevin Spacey is great as Lex Luthor. His plan this time is related to his plan in the original Superman, although this time it’s meaner, and so is he. Good. Superman suffers as a character when he doesn’t have worthy opponents. Lex has a team of goons, but the biggest impression is made by Kitty, played by my ex-girlfriend Parker Posey (she wanted her space). Kitty walks around in what appears to be old movie costumes, cuddling her cannibalistic dog and drinking all-olive martinis. Posey is a bit of an oddball for a movie going for a classic vibe (which is why she never had a chance as Lois Lane, perfect as I think she’d be), making her just right for the crew of villains.

The only casting I was apprehensive about going in was Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane. I still think she’s far too dewy for the role--Bosworth’s Lois is one of the more youthful Pulitzer winners in movie history, to be certain--but she’s clever and determined, has chemistry with all three of her leading men (Clark, Superman, and another.), and when called upon, can swim in a dress. Still, Bosworth is not going to be scaling the Eiffel Tower anytime soon, and there’s a reason her lighter keeps getting blown out before she can light a cigarette: she wouldn’t be believable smoking. Margot Kidder? Didn’t have that problem.

Bryan Singer knew what to do. He knew what movie he started with, and where he wanted to take it. He’s continuing a previous storyline, starting a fresh one, casting young, updating special effects, and extending a brand’s shelf-life. Successfully. Any chance he might have a sit-down with George Lucas?

The Phantom Menace took a different route. I’m not completely dismissive of it; it still has that killer lightsaber battle with Darth Maul, and I’m especially fond of Natalie Portman’s queen when she’s in her formal mode, wearing huge Kabuki costumes that appear to hover, and talking in a robotic drone that gives a little importance to the awful speeches and political declarations the script forces on her. But it’s all just so unnecessary. Is anything in The Phantom Menace the story you wanted to hear? Are any of the details the details you were hoping to get? Did you care, for example, that Anakin worked for Watto? Or that he was a podracer? Aren’t you—still, today—more interested in Han Solo’s earlier life? Or Obi-Wan Kenobi’s? (You might think you’re getting Obi-Wan’s backstory, but you aren’t. I’ve seen The Phantom Menace half a dozen times, and it’s just not there. Three more movies and we don’t know a single thing more about that guy than we would have without the movies in the first place).

The Phantom Menace is, of course, exquisite visually. The underground kingdom where Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon team up with Jar-Jar (Ugh. Don’t get me started on Jar-Jar. What a waste. A waste so boring it borders on sick.) is the sort of thing George Lucas does better than anyone else. He doesn’t just create a world for the Gungans to live in, he gives it its own ecosystem and populates it with a variety of organisms and structures. Everybody in the Star Wars universe has a story and a family and a home, and as much as I revile him, Jar-Jar actually has the richest backstory in The Phantom Menace. Also, the ships are cooler than ever; everything has a 1950s hotrod chrome sheen. And I like the way the droids transport unloads them again and again and again, until they’re all lined up in perfect formation. I even like the parade at the end, which somehow marries the cheesiness of the Ewok celebration in Return of the Jedi with the austereness of the award coronation in A New Hope, without mocking or copying either directly. I like parts of Phantom Menace, honest I do. But all those little parts I like don’t add up to anything. The phantom menace isn’t Senator Palpatine, it’s boredom, and the Dark Side is winning, my friends.

My main problem with The Phantom Menace (and the entire trilogy of prequels, for that matter) is that it’s not filmed in the style of the original trilogy. If these films are meant to lead into the other three, shouldn’t they have a similar look and pace? They were all created by the same guy, for crying out loud. Didn’t he approach the newer movies with even a grain of reference to the others? Bryan Singer brought that, in spades, to Superman Returns, without ripping off the other films, without seeming like an impersonation, without me checking my watch (okay, I don’t wear a watch. But The Phantom Menace is a movie so tedious it makes you want to go out and buy a watch just so you can check it.)

So why am I recommending that you rewatch The Phantom Menace? To help you appreciate Superman even more. It’s like in the movie: Lois won a Pulitzer for writing about why she didn’t need Superman in the first place. And then he came back, and where is she? Flopping around in a crashing jet, trying to get her seat-belt fastened. That’s where George Lucas left us. Superman returned for more than just Lois.

There’s got to be a way to continue a film series with dignity, cleverness and fun. There’s got to be a way to tell Anakin Skywalker’s early story, and the tales of the Clone Wars, and the birth of Darth Vader, without cloying everything up with politics and pod-races and bullshit (I’m looking at you, Jar-Jar). Almost makes you wonder what Bryan Singer could have done with it.

Superman Returns: A-
The Phantom Menace: C-