Transformers vs The Iron Giant

Full disclosure: as a kid, I never played with Transformers toys, never watched the cartoon, and never saw the animated movie until a couple days ago (and didn’t particularly like it. It plays like something made to sell toys to kids in the eighties. Go figure.) In this, I am completely alone amongst my friends, who are devotees of everything Transformer. And something happened: I liked the movie more.

The friend I saw Transformers with thought it was okay, but felt the Transformers were slighted in the character development department. He named half a dozen or so human characters he would have cut from the movie to make room for rounding out the robots’ personalities. I was a little embarrassed each time the robots would use slang or trendy hand gestures. Embarrassed for me, embarrassed for them. So, the less they displayed in the way of “personality”, the better. They’re impressively rendered, and are unique physically, so I really only needed true individuality from say, two of them. You know, like with the Gremlins.

The two we get to know the best are Optimus Prime, who is the leader of the Autobots, and Bumblebee, who I think is maybe younger, and because of an injury, can only communicate using dialogue he finds on the radio (and, I assume, television and internet). I’m pretty proud of myself just now, because I didn’t have to look up anybody’s names.

Bumblebee meets up with an Earth boy named Sam (I’d get into why the Transformers are on Earth, but it’s very similar to why the aliens and Predators were on Earth in Alien Versus Predator, and the fewer comparisons to that load, the better). Sam is a bright, opportunistic, awkward, horny teenager who would fit right in with characters in your favorite John Hughes movie (he’s such a nerd, he even gets pantsed by a robot). Sam gets his first car, a beat-up yellow Camaro that, like Christine, communicates through the car stereo. Before long, the Decepticons have attacked, and Bumblebee begins serving as a protector for Sam and Mickaela (Megan Fox), the hot girl from Sam’s school who dresses for the cover of Maxim and just happens to be a gearhead. Of course she is. Transforming robots aren’t the only things making this a fantasy.

Meanwhile, in the Middle East, the Decepticons are fighting the military, in much the same way aliens fought the military in, well, Aliens. The effects are impressive, although the body count is kept off-screen to preserve the precious PG-13 Transformers needs to pack ‘em in opening weekend.

Transformers was directed by Michael Bay. It’s his usual blend of special effects, military types watching radar screens, and winky pop-culture references, but this time, the result isn’t all chopped up and faux edgy. I’ve always thought that Armageddon was full of so many quick-cuts because maybe it wasn’t finished, and the effects wouldn’t be as noticeably lacking if each one was edited away from at the last second. In Transformers, the opposite is true. The camera lingers on the Transformers, whether in the gentler moments, like when the good guys are hiding in Sam’s backyard, or the crazier battle scenes, like one in which a huge mechanical scorpion dives in and out of the sand, in hot pursuit of a group of exhausted soldiers hoping for a free afternoon off.

I have to hand it to Bay: the funny parts are actually kind of funny. We’ve seen all this before, of course. Sam and his parents aren’t unique movie characters, but they’re played with warmth and realism (there’s a reason his parents get a tag during the credits to themselves. Aside from the robots, they’re the characters I most wanted to see one more time). And John Turturro, whose character is completely unnecessary to the film—he’s one of the actors my friend would have cut—brings every bit of his John Turturroness to the screen. It’s rare for someone so weird to be in a movie so mainstream and fun.

Transformers, especially if you’ve never played with the toys and have no childhood attachment to it, can be very silly. There’s a tedious subplot involving Movie Nerds (the government always needs computer experts in movies like this, and they always find them eating junk food and living with their grandma or whoever, and being all too-cool for authority and knowing more about how the government computers work than the pros. In Transformers, we get a bonus character, another hot girl who knows all about computers instead of cars. Bay makes sure his movies satisfy every kind of nerd. If only there was a smokin’ hot babe who liked movies like Transformers, he’d really be onto something.) And much of the climax takes place inside…the Hoover Damn. Ooh, exciting. But still, I can’t deny it: Transformers hooked me early on, and I’d probably see a sequel.

Transformers shares a plot and several details with every other Visitor from Space and/or the Future Befriends and Protects Kid from Other Visitors Plus the Kid’s Earth Authority Figures movie of the past twenty years. The best is probably Terminator 2: Judgement Day. For sentimental reasons, I’m going with The Iron Giant.

The Iron Giant was written and directed by Brad Bird, who also wrote and directed The Incredibles, and is first person I would call anytime I needed an action or sci-fi screenplay. The Iron Giant serves as a link from Red Scare-era movies like Them and The Day The Earth Stood Still and E.T.

Hogarth is a young boy who becomes friends with a giant robot (I won’t get into how they meet, or how the robot ended up here in the first place). The robot is capable of great destruction, but is gentle and friendly. It’s all very sweet and funny, until the government gets involved and tries to defeat the robot, whose old defenses kick in. Will Hogarth convince the feds to leave the robot alone? Will the robot finally get pushed to the brink and attack the humans? Will you cry? That’s a maybe to all of the above.

I love The Iron Giant. Besides Bird’s smart script (and great voice work from Jennifer Aniston, Harry Connick Jr., Tim Allen and Eli Marienthal), it boasts the best 2-D animation of the past decade. The giant looks like robots from old comic books, and he inhabits a groovy 1950s pop-art world. The Iron Giant looks like cartoon version of Norman Rockwell paintings, or maybe an animated Back to the Future with no future. I’ve probably made it sound quaint or old-fashioned, but make no mistake: The Iron Giant has jaw-dropping action sequences and great animated effects.

Most importantly though, it’s got that central relationship between the boy and the machine. Like Transformers, The Iron Giant knows we all want explosions and mayhem and pretty girls. But most of all, we want the action figures to come to life and be our friends. What? That’s what we want, isn’t it?

Transformers: B
The Iron Giant: A