Push vs Get Smart

Ryan: Why’d I see this again?

Cliff: No clue. I didn’t. Looked bad, heard it was bad, so I didn’t see it.

Ryan: We should hang out more.

Cliff: It looks a little like Heroes.

Ryan: It’s not. It’s not like Heroes at all, really.

Cliff: It doesn’t have any actors you like.

Ryan: It has Djimon Hounsou.

Cliff: Does he get to do anything cool?

Ryan: No.

Cliff: Does anyone?

Ryan: No. Well, these screamer guys.

Cliff: What do they do?

Ryan: They scream until stuff shatters and you have to grab your ears to keep your brains inside.

Cliff: Oh, that’s cool. Kind of. What are they called?

Ryan: Screamers.

Cliff: Seriously?

Ryan: Yeah. There are also Watchers, Sniffers, Pushers and…that might be it.

Cliff: Sniffers?

Ryan: Sniffers can sniff your belongings to find out stuff about you.

Cliff: Explain.

Ryan: They can sniff your toothbrush or whatever to see where you were last night.

Cliff: In case you’re lying?

Ryan: Yeah, or if they’re ransacking your apartment while you aren’t there.

Cliff: To see where you were yesterday?

Ryan: Or to see what you have planned for today.

Cliff: Because that’s stored on your teeth?

Ryan: I know.

Cliff: Why’d you see this?

Ryan: Because it’s about people with powers. Jeez.

Cliff: You know Iron Man’s on DVD now. Watchmen comes out in a month.

Ryan: I know.

Cliff: And movies don’t have to be about people with powers. You can see other movies too.

Ryan: Tell me about it.

Cliff: Does it look good at least?

Ryan: It’s not terrible. There’s lots of action and everything’s all neon and slow-mo and fun, kind of. The plot makes no sense.

Cliff: What’s it about, anyway?

Ryan: Well, some people are special, mentally, and the government wants them to be super soldiers.

Cliff: An army of sniffers?

Ryan: Basically, yeah.

Cliff: And they don’t want to be?

Ryan: Right. Well, some of them don’t. I guess some do. I’m not sure why the ones who don’t, don’t. Oh, wait, they don’t want to be experimented on. The ones who get captured get this shot that kills them.

Cliff: Why are they being killed? You can’t make super soldiers out of dead people.

Ryan: Man, it’s just not very good. The best performance is by Dakota Fanning, and she’s only thirteen. And her role is kind of embarrassing. Not for her, but for the movie. It’s written in such a way that she has to explain everything to the audience constantly. As a matter of fact, during the opening credits, she narrates the entire plot, and explains who the principle characters are.

Cliff:  Wouldn’t that have happened organically in the movie anyway?

Ryan: Oh, it does. It happens twice.

Cliff: Chris Evans is the main character? Or Dakota Fanning?

Ryan: It’s confusing. Dakota plays a Watcher. She can see the future, but only in pictures, so she draws it in this little notebook. She finds Chris Evans, who is a…something else. He’s telekinetic. I’m sure there’s a name for it in the movie.

Cliff: Mover, shaker…

Ryan: Something like that, yeah. Anyway, Dakota’s mother is being held by the government, and Dakota is a street kid, but it’s not clear how long ago that happened. Kid has braces, so she’s been to the orthodontist fairly recently, although the movie insinuates it’s been years. And it’s all set in Hong Kong, although I don’t remember if there’s a reason why.

Cliff: Okay, enough.

Ryan: And there’s this girl who is a Pusher, and can put her thoughts in your head, but not a good performance into her own. Seriously, cute girl, bad acting. I’m just saying.

Cliff: Enough. What should I see instead?

Ryan: Get Smart.

Cliff: No. I already saw it. And no.

Ryan: Compared to Push, Get Smart is The Dark Knight.

Cliff: I thought it was fun, but not necessary in any way. Remakes are hardly ever necessary.

Ryan: Well I never watched the show, so I wasn’t sentimental about a remake. I really like all the principals, and it looked as good as anything Get Smart is supposedly a spoof of. It’s as slick and well-edited as the James Bond movies.

Cliff: Yeah, I suppose it is.

Ryan: It was marketed a little like the Naked Gun movies, and that’s unfair. There’s some good acting in Get Smart. You know who I secretly liked the most? The Rock.

Cliff: The who? Sir, that is not the Rock. That is Mr. Dwayne Johson.

Ryan: Well he’s great, I think, as is Anne Hathaway, Steve Carrell and Alan Arkin.  And the plot’s pretty straightforward and serious, which I appreciate. The comedy comes out of the situations, instead of these huge set pieces designed for laughs. We’ve seen chases and fights like these in “serious” movies a dozen times.

Cliff: It could have gone south completely though. Peter Segal normally directs movies that are pretty slapsticky.

Ryan: Well that’s here too, obviously. I guess I just appreciate that Get Smart is fun, and makes sense, and has enjoyable actors and special effects I understand. “Get Smart” is kind of what I wanted to say to Push.

Cliff: It coulda used some Thinkers?

Blackbelt: And how.

Push: C-

Get Smart: B