Sherlock Holmes vs Sleepy Hollow

Can I just say it’s all right and move on? Sherlock Holmes was fun, but sometimes once I get into these things they end up being kind of long. I just can’t justify a thousand or so words on something I ate an entire box of Mike n Ike during. Can I just say that Guy Richie has a cartoonish directing style I’m not wild about, but that it’s growing on me? That everything looks pleasantly movie-ish and just fake enough to be the type of stylized setting for a Sherlock Holmes whose hobbies include bare-knuckled brawling (in slow-mo, fast-mo, still-frame, reverse, and from every angle, of course)? I’d like to just cut to the chase and say Robert Downey Jr. is perfect as Sherlock Holmes, because Robert Downey Jr. is perfect to begin with, and that Jude Law nearly steals the film as Watson, because Jude Law is secretly awesome and maybe always has been. And then I’d say that the movie’s villain is confusing and lame, and that Rachel McAdams is beautiful, talented, and may or may not need a new agent.

I’d say some shit about how it reminded me of Sleepy Hollow, in that both are modern retellings of classic stories filmed as if the stories happened in both modern and Victorian eras, as a nod to them being timeless tales, but also, cynically, so that they won’t be, you know, boring or girly or whatever.

I would mention Johnny Depp’s performance and the cool inventions of his detective character. I would say something along the lines of “Tim Burton’s movies are always fun and gothic and weird and black and blue.” I would mention Christina Ricci having the Winona Ryder part, and how it couldn’t have been actual Winona Ryder because that would have been awkward. I would say something about Christopher Walken, because he is a national treasure, and I notice these things.

I would claim that Sleepy Hollow is a little better than Sherlock Holmes, but don’t get carried away, since it’s been out for ten years and no one is ever in the mood to watch it.

Is that cool? Or do I have to write an entire review? I think I covered everything, if that matters.

Sherlock Holmes: B

Sleepy Hollow: B+