Thor vs Gladiator

Once a year, Hollywood takes a stab at a prestige action movie. It’s usually a swords-and-sandals epic, the modern standard-bearer being Gladiator. It came out at the perfect time. Five years post-Braveheart, on the upswing of Russell Crowe’s ascension to leading-man status, and in deep summer, when viewers were in the mood for more than just Robots Farting, or whatever else was big that year. Gladiator (directed by Ridley Scott) was so firm in its depiction of Heroics as Necessitated by Love, that it came off as not just fun and badass, but as grand, big time, like-they-used-to entertainment. Elizabeth Taylor yelled its title at the Golden Globes, and Best Actor and Picture Oscars followed. The Dark Knight couldn’t even get a nomination? Come on!

Russell Crowe is stoic and soulful as “the Spaniard”, who is sad and brave and will fight anything you’ve got: Amazons, tigers, Joaquin Phoenix. Entertained! Me! I am! A decade later, after Troy, Alexander, Kingdom of Heaven, and the Redbull Theater version of Braveheart, 300, we have Thor, which is sort of all of these movies, plus Splash, and based on a Marvel Comics character. It is a solid action movie, but also carries the gravity of worlds being avenged. And, best of all, it takes time to be goofy and clichéd in all the ways that matter. Hey, it’s not even summer yet. You wanna fight some ice monsters? Go ahead.

Thor is kind of like Superman, if the latter had grown to adulthood on his home planet, and reveled in his powers. Thor is cocky, forthright and impulsive, and will knock over a buffet table! He will flip it over and cornucopias will fly! (I love shit like that). Thor is from Asgard, which is this blacklight awesome kingdom that looks like the inside of a pinball machine, and is connected to outside realms by a rainbow bridge.  Asgard is at peace with a nearby land of mean ice giants (Okay, look, it’s not as silly as it sounds, I promise), until a couple sneak in and try to rob the Hall of the Museum of the Arsenal of Artifacts Library (they never mention it by name), and get killed. And even though the intruders were killed, and the lands have a peaceful coexistence otherwise, Thor and his buddies go to the ice world and beat everyone up anyway. It’s all over-edited and shot in blue and black, and it’s impossible to see anything, but Thor causes enough mayhem that he shames his father (Anthony Hopkins) into casting him out of their world completely, and into ours, where he is promptly hit by an RV driven by Jane (Natalie Portman). You could do a lot worse.

On Earth, Thor is taken in by Jane and her colleagues (Stellan Skarsgard and a welcome Kat Dennings). Jane has been studying the wormholes that link her realm to Thor’s, and considers him a witness to a cosmic event, rather than the cause or result of the event. There are a few fish-out-of-water scenes in which Thor learns about modern Earth decorum, clothing, and food, and of course there is a flirtation between Thor and Jane. In the meantime, S.H.I.E.L.D., the organization linking the Marvel movies, is in hot pursuit, confiscating Jane’s research and trying to figure out how to lift a mysterious hammer that landed nearby. There’s a fun cameo I won’t reveal here, as well as more badass and comically out of place visitors from Thor’s home. With Thor out of the picture on Asgard, his wily brother, Loki, has taken over the throne. Loki is played by Tom Hiddleston, in one of the best villain costumes ever. I have a feeling* we’ll be seeing him in The Avengers next summer.

*Stay through the credits. Duh.

Thor was directed by Kenneth Branagh. Maybe that’s the way to success with assigning actors to direct films. Give them films their internal casting agent says they’d be perfect in as actors. Jon Favreau as Iron Man? Sure, in his head. As director? Surprise, he knows just what to do. Thunder God of Norse myth who speaks in perfect English and wages battles physical, emotional and political with his manipulative brother and angry, unhealthy father? Kenneth Branagh could play the shit out of that! Behind the camera.

He does a great job. Like the Superman movies, there are moments of levity, but also serious struggles of good and evil. I’m not sure why, but the action and fights are handled much clearer in the Earth scenes. Some kind of 3D logistics? Chris Hemsworth makes a fine Thor, noble and arrogant. He’s surprisingly nimble with comedy, and is believable at both kissing Natalie Portman and throwing people through walls. Will Thor have the impact enjoyed by Gladiator? I doubt it. But then again, the Spaniard never got to meet the Hulk, either.

Thor: B

Gladiator: B+