Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 vs Return Of The Jedi

 Ryan: The Harry Potter people do not like Harry Potter being compared to Star Wars.

Cliff: No they don’t. Or anything else, for that matter.

Ryan: Do the Star Wars people mind? They don’t give a shit at this point, right?

Cliff: The Star Wars people are just happy to be mentioned.

Ryan: Well the Harry Potter people need to relax, because Harry Potter comes out on top in the Star Wars comparison, mostly. But it’s an accurate one, especially near the end. Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows part 2 wraps up almost exactly like Star Wars Episode Cute: Return Of The Jedi.

Cliff: I really wish Return Of The Jedi wasn’t so cute. Do the Ewoks have to make Leia a dress? They give her a new hairstyle too. They’re crafty.

Ryan: For a long time, Return Of The Jedi was my favorite of the series. I can’t quite explain it; there’s so much wrong with it. But the opening chapter, in Jabba’s palace, is so well done.

Cliff: I loved that as a kid. Luke Skywalker is a badass in those scenes. And if you’ve never seen any Star Wars movies, and start at the beginning, Luke’s introduction in this movie is pretty cool. The cloaked Jedi gliding down the hall, choking pigs and playing mind games.

Ryan: And the final fight with Voldemort—I mean, Vader—is my favorite of the series. I think that lightsaber battle is better than the one with Darth Maul in Episode 1.

Cliff: Me too. The fights in Phantom Menace have nothing at stake, besides special effects. Return Of The Jedi has a duel required by the characters and plot. Plus it’s got those dramatic voices on the score.

Ryan: The Ewoks though. I’ve heard dozens of times that Lucas wanted Endor to be a planet of Wookiees, but then he didn’t want to have to explain why Chewbacca was a sophisticated Wookiee and the others were primitive. Well, first of all, don’t write it that way, stupid. And secondly, when the Wookiees showed up in the prequels, they were basically giant Ewoks.

Cliff: I would love Return Of The Jedi so much if the Ewoks were Wookiees. Holy shit.

Ryan: But the speederbike scenes are fun, and obviously influenced certain scenes in the Harry Potter series. And of course, Harry is Luke, Dumbledore is Obi-Wan, Hermione is Leia.

Cliff: Ginny is Leia.

Ryan: If Star Wars had more than one female character per movie it wouldn’t be a problem. That’s definitely one of the areas Harry Potter steps out in front. George Lucas has created a vast universe of characters, but only two women to speak of. The Harry Potter universe is full of strong female characters of all ages.

Cliff: Why do you think that is? It can’t be as simple as George Lucas is a guy and J.K. Rowling is a woman.

Ryan: No clue. He put so much weight on romantic tension in those movies, over-the-top for the prequels, but only saw fit to create one couple per generation. Why not an awesome female bounty hunter? Or Sith Lord? Lando Calrissian should have had an all-girl security team. Those Bespin guards should have been badass chicks.

Cliff: Harry Potter basically takes care of all of that. Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Bellatrix. Not to mention all the great mothers and teachers.

Ryan: How great is Helena Bonham Carter? As Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 opens, Hermione is in disguise as Bellatrix, and she’s doing a bad job. Carter does an impersonation of herself as Bellatrix, as if she’s being played by someone who doesn’t get it, and isn’t comfortable walking in her body. It’s like five layers of acting, and she looks like she’s having a blast. It’s a tiny part of the movie, and certainly Helena Bonham Carter has done impressive work over the years, but come on.

Cliff: And that part of the movie is otherwise kind of silly, so she’s appreciated.

Ryan: Yeah, I suffer through certain scenes in the Harry Potter series because I came in late. I never know if something’s meaningful or just for fun. They have to go to the bank or whatever to get Bellatrix’s safety deposit box? From the elf bank? Or something? And there’s a mine-car ride into a tunnel of multiplying trophies? Am I warm? Did any of that mean anything?

Cliff: Yes, Harry, Ron and Hermione are still searching for the remaining horcruxes, because they can’t defeat Voldemort without first destroying those.

Ryan: It’s very video-gamey. Levels of danger, tasks to complete, a final battle with the strongest villain. It’s a formula, but it plays out well dramatically. As much of a Star Wars bias as I still have, there’s really no rhyme or reason to why half the scenes in Return Of The Jedi play in the order they do. Luke could just as easily have fought Vader at the beginning of the movie as at the end.

Cliff: You know what Star Wars is missing? Where the hell are Luke’s friends? He has to go alone. It’s so important that he do this alone. No, leave me. I must. It’s my destiny. On and on. And then he comes right back afterwards, ready to party, all “Oh, what smells good? Ribs? Be right there! Save me a beer! Hey, you mind if I burn my dad’s body over here?”

Ryan: Yeah. They have ships. Why didn’t they replay the Han Solo ambush/rescue from the first one? Go in and get your buddy! That’s the key of almost every scene of Harry Potter, especially toward the end of the series. That kid’s friends are there in a pinch. Stepping out in front of the pack to stand down his villains. Dying for him. The entire school has Harry’s back. Luke gets hugs when he comes back, but how much more powerful would Return Of The Jedi be if Princess Leia or Han Solo had thrown the Emperor off the Death Star?

Cliff: Star Wars would also benefit from a Harry Potter-style prologue. All the Star Wars movies end with such abruptness. Every Star Wars movie hits a certain point when other movies might start to wrap up and CREDITS. DONE. The closest George Lucas comes to any kind of narrative completion is to have the characters turn and face the camera as a group.

Ryan: We’re being kind of abstract. We should backtrack a little for the people out there who—

Cliff: Those people don’t exist. People get it. They know what Star Wars is, they know what Harry Potter is, they know which group they’re in.

Ryan: Oh, well okay then.

Cliff: CREDITS.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows part 2: B+

Star Wars, Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi: B